Leaving a job. Why is it so hard?

I was chatting with a client who’s secured a new role and the excitement that the prospect of a new role has. As someone who’s also about to leave a role for a new one, one part of our conversation struck a chord.

“I just feel really guilty about leaving my team”

If I think about the position I currently find myself in, I start to question why I am having these feelings of guilt. This took me back to when I had my first ever paid job aged 17 at a card and gift shop (I LOVED this job). Back then, I worked 5 or so hours a week for a little extra cash to support me through my A-levels and start saving for university. Yes, I gained a few skills along the way but my relationship with the job was a very transactional one; I was working for the primary aim of earning money to be able to afford things. When I think about this concept, that’s really the aim of having a job – to be able to cover our basic needs by earning money.

If only it were that simple! I started to ask myself a few more questions...

Why does leaving a professional job evoke deeper feelings?

Identity comes to mind here. When I worked in the gift shop, my identity wasn’t about what my job was, my identity was “student”. I didn’t feel guilt handing my notice in when I left for university because having a Saturday job was as much a right-of-passage in the mid noughties as going to university was. Leaving my current role is different; I have a career rather than a job. I have built relationships. I have a great team. I enjoy what I do. I have found a role that I love. I’m good at my job. All of this makes me feel incredibly guilty.

So, why am I leaving?

This question is one that I can ask myself now but was also useful when I was applying for my new role. I wasn’t actively looking to leave but I found an amazing opportunity which would enable three things that are important to me:

1.        The opportunity to specialise (professional growth*)

2.        A larger more established team (community and collaboration*)

3.        Greater remuneration (recognition*)

Could I have spent a bit more time in my current role? Absolutely. Does it feel like a bit of a risk to be leaving? Possibly. But what if I didn’t take this amazing opportunity?

*These are my driving values; pull factors towards the role.

Visualising the future

To help me overcome some of the doubts about leaving I visualised myself 6 months from now if I didn’t accept the job offer. The word that kept coming to mind would be “stuck”. I knew that staying in my current role there could be some small development opportunities but there was limited room for any significant growth; growth that I desired and that would challenge me. The likelihood for me was that in 6 months time I would be asking “what’s next?” and becoming disheartened by the lack of opportunities for me. Learning and continued growth are high on my values list, and I need to listen to my mind and lean-in to my core values which ultimately drive job satisfaction.

Why do I still feel bad about leaving my team?

Short answer. Because I care. I care about the people in my team. I care about my students. I care about doing a good job. I care about letting people down.

That last one sticks hard. I do feel like I’m letting my team down by leaving. Context: I’ve never left an employer with under 5 years’ service. It was never in any plan to leave after 18 months. They’re having to spend time on recruitment, cover gaps between me leaving and a new person joining…I could go on.

This is normal. People leave jobs all the time. We’re all replaceable. Just like my current employer will need to backfill, my new employer will have faced a similar scenario. Why beat myself up over leaving, when people come and go all the time?

Equally, I feel guilt about leaving the team because I really like the team. If there is one thing I have learnt in my 15 year career it is this. Never stay in a job for the team. The team also leaves, changes, evolves, moves on. I learnt early on in my career about teams. Working in audit I hopped client to client every 6 weeks or so. When getting put on a new client if someone said “oh the team’s really good” that was code for “but the audit is dreadful”. The people you work with do matter, but the role needs to be right too.

Having a good team is important. But it is something you can’t control. Luckily for me, I work in career coaching. People who typically are very caring of people. There’s a very high probability the team will be comparable to the one I am in and I can bring even more people into my network.

Moving on with excitement

As I wind down on my time in my current role, while I will still feel sad that my time has come to an end I will try to feel less guilty about moving on. Go back to that 18 year old self starting university and transactionally leaving her part time job without batting an eyelid of the consequences. At the end of the day, it is just a job.

Has any of this resonated with you? Are you feeling stuck in your role but sticking around because you feel guilty? Could coaching help you uncover your core values to understand whether to stick-or-twist in your career? If you’d like to arrange a 121 connection call email hello@katherineholdstockcoaching.co.uk